You have palm trees and we have fried pickles...
Says Mike, my newest reader and fan. He is currently living in the deep south and I get to watch his saga unfold, we've been separated for at least four years now, and more if you count me being a negligent friend while off at college and involved in all-consuming "relationship" etc. etc.
Ok. so what if he is my _only_ reader and fan, at least someone loves me, right? Actually, several people love me and do read my mental wanderings if only once in a while.
Back to the idea of being known to others. What is it that makes us, as humans, seek community? There is the constant tendency to isolate oneself, to shut off and become an island unto oneself, and then the tug to find a community in your own isolation.
These days I am too busy to be either isolated or a good member of any community, and I will make a blanket apology to all friends who have been much better at friending than I, I can't seem to organize my thoughts towards others in a meaningful and productive manner. Too many hoops being jumped through. I gave a presentation today, and though I was nervous, being tied up in knots before, when I began, (it is a class of 3, but the profesor is the one who sets my nerves on edge) there was a pleasant unraveling, not in the negative sense of the word, but rather an unfolding of a cohesive and articulate argument that I had no idea was mine until it began itself... I wasn't a complete moron after all, even if I often feel that way. Commenting with my singing buddy, Barbara, why is it that we as women have to be twice as good to be considered competent? Will this inequity ever be ameliorated? I have my duvidas...
Now, learning languages, that's fun, and Portuguese is so similar that it is more about learning differences than actually learning a new language. It is curious to think about how others conceive of their world, language being a map to the collective mind of not only an individual but a culture.
Next will be French, and perhaps Italian after that, though it seems like a waste of good energy seeing as how it is a relatively useless language (for me) also thinking on the economy of post-colonial politics... there just aren't that many places where they speak Italian because as a culture they failed (or weren't interested? couldn't get their shit together?) to spread their empires in the modern world... Now some could pat themselves on the back for this, but anyway, French and Spanish, and even Portuguese (to a lesser degree) are spoken in many more countries in places whose history is fraught with conflict and strange sex/ race politics... so naturally I am attracted to them. So, in the spirit of prioritizing, which is what I have been doing (hence being a bad friend because personal communication has been displaced to a back burner, along with cooking good meals and eating, for that matter) the effort/ reward ratio is much higher on the other languages, so they necessarily win. For now. Who is to say that at another time there may not be extenuating circumstances or factors not previously considered in the equation and at such time, there will be a reassessment and a re-prioritization.
Right now, that's how I see it.
Ok. so what if he is my _only_ reader and fan, at least someone loves me, right? Actually, several people love me and do read my mental wanderings if only once in a while.
Back to the idea of being known to others. What is it that makes us, as humans, seek community? There is the constant tendency to isolate oneself, to shut off and become an island unto oneself, and then the tug to find a community in your own isolation.
These days I am too busy to be either isolated or a good member of any community, and I will make a blanket apology to all friends who have been much better at friending than I, I can't seem to organize my thoughts towards others in a meaningful and productive manner. Too many hoops being jumped through. I gave a presentation today, and though I was nervous, being tied up in knots before, when I began, (it is a class of 3, but the profesor is the one who sets my nerves on edge) there was a pleasant unraveling, not in the negative sense of the word, but rather an unfolding of a cohesive and articulate argument that I had no idea was mine until it began itself... I wasn't a complete moron after all, even if I often feel that way. Commenting with my singing buddy, Barbara, why is it that we as women have to be twice as good to be considered competent? Will this inequity ever be ameliorated? I have my duvidas...
Now, learning languages, that's fun, and Portuguese is so similar that it is more about learning differences than actually learning a new language. It is curious to think about how others conceive of their world, language being a map to the collective mind of not only an individual but a culture.
Next will be French, and perhaps Italian after that, though it seems like a waste of good energy seeing as how it is a relatively useless language (for me) also thinking on the economy of post-colonial politics... there just aren't that many places where they speak Italian because as a culture they failed (or weren't interested? couldn't get their shit together?) to spread their empires in the modern world... Now some could pat themselves on the back for this, but anyway, French and Spanish, and even Portuguese (to a lesser degree) are spoken in many more countries in places whose history is fraught with conflict and strange sex/ race politics... so naturally I am attracted to them. So, in the spirit of prioritizing, which is what I have been doing (hence being a bad friend because personal communication has been displaced to a back burner, along with cooking good meals and eating, for that matter) the effort/ reward ratio is much higher on the other languages, so they necessarily win. For now. Who is to say that at another time there may not be extenuating circumstances or factors not previously considered in the equation and at such time, there will be a reassessment and a re-prioritization.
Right now, that's how I see it.
posted by ilana at 9:39 p.m.
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