Materias primas and other linguistic curiousities

Five years ago at this very moment I was in a hospital in the middle of a blizzard having too much pitocin pumped into my bloodstream and wishing that this thing that was tormenting me would be excised from my womb.

It took a long time. And so, in honor of this and the fact that Tuesdays are, as I said, far too long for their own good, therby precluding me from spending any quality time with a small person tomorrow. She made us take her out for Indian food, and yes, for those who care, we have finally become regulars at the "good" Indian place in town...

But, I digress. "Materias primas"... material cousins? No, though that is an interesting thought. In most Spanish speaking countries it means the rough equivalent of "raw materials" meaning contruction materials or other basic units needed for building something... not so in Mexico.

Tiendas de materias primas are, all over Mexico, stores in which you can procure children's birthday party materials, streamers, invitations, paper, piñatas mierda y media... you name it, it's there. Curious. Let's analyze this briefly shall we? (of course we shall, who wants to read more misogynistic merde, oh wait, I have to...) Why would your basic units of construction be party favors UNLESS your primary goal was to inculcate in your children from a tender age that the MOST imprtant thing in life is partying? hmm? Can you think of a better explanation? I can't, but lately I can't think of anything original.

I had a second appointment with therapist today. I don't know if it helps any, but it can't possibly hurt. I actually left feeling like my life isn't so bad, that is, it could be a lot worse, and the sun was shining and the palm trees held their heads high against the blue and the sunset was a gorgeous ball of flame over the water. But then I am left hurting for other people:( who are having a hard time.

Thought for the day: how can men (or women, but I have never seen this happen in personal experience) one moment be intimately intertwined in your life and then, as if nothing, swing the axe and say "I never want to speak to you again" slicing a heart in half... You don't do that to friends unless of course you are too afraid of losing, so that you make it happen on purpose just to feel like you are in control.

I end up feeling ultimately more sorry for the men, who it seems are truly so deeply lonely, shrouded in themselves, unable to reach anyone in any real way, where we as women have eachother. Perhaps that is why as K. and I were discussing, there is this masculine need for transcendence, it is more a quest to fill the gaping void.

Then of course there is the need to be known and the fear of never being known to anyone. It is frightening to be known because those who know us can most deeply hurt us, and at the same time we desire to be known we also desire to hide ourselves. I know that there are people that I will always miss, and a few of them have serendipitously sensed this telepathically and found their ways back into my life. Others, perhaps, will manifest themselves later, when it feels like it is time to do so.

Meanwhile, I am back to work... (my productivity level has _really_ increased this new quarter! really this is not self-deception)