why go public?

A certain someone who shall remain nameless is eternally offended by my obscenities. Shall I censor myself? Shall I stop writing so that I may not offend? Fuck that. If it weren't for the violation of private spaces this would never have been a necessity, and now that I have begun, I refuse to stop just because of passive agressive dissapproval. "I don't know you anymore!" but the real question is, could you possibly know me any less?

Lack of interpretive ability on your part does not constitute a violation of trust on mine. I am who I am and once more, as a WOMAN I refuse to have my past used against me, or at least, choose to have it used on my own terms. Ok so I have been chased out of my interior, my privacy violated, I will be violated of my own volition. I am sex-obsessed, it would seem, sadly this is far from the truth... But as a human, experiencing the whole range of human emotion, sometimes that involves creative play with memory/fantasy/reality... It's my game and I can play it by myself.

And then there is the issue of shame. (Of which I am devoid it would seem.) Am I perverse? Perhaps, but no more so than any man. A dear friend, who is now off the baby plan, callously objectifies men. I love it! She debases them into the two-dimensional objects that they would have us be, but alas, that is not me. However, if I write one thing it doesn't make it truth, nor does it make itself a lie, exactly, it is a text, in the sea of texts in the universe of feeling... I don't see any complaints about Almodovar's perversity. And while what I write is certainly not high art (at least for the most part) there is no reason that I should have to hide, or lie or not remember out loud thoughts and ideas that I have, albeit fleeting ones. God, don't I deserve a release from all the pressure in my life? (How much can one woman truly bear? ) Don't I deserve a place where I can just be someone different than who I am *really*, can't I play while you sit in front of your ridiculous monitor and play video games and pass judgement on me? I have brought shame onto your family, your house? I have somehow questioned your masculinity? Fuck that. Look for your own damn masculinity, I am just looking for, as Rosario Castellanos begged, another way to be human and free.

And I won't be denied! Haven't we been silenced and excluded from the public sphere for far too many centuries already? I refuse to contribute to even one more day of feminine silence and submission to a patriarchal agenda. No dice.