Lessons for my 40th year

Well it is less than two weeks into my 40s, and I thought I'd evaluate some lessons from four decades in the trenches. That is to say, lessons that I am still learning after 40 years on this rock-hurtling-through-space-in-a-highly-ordered-manner. It's a slow becoming.

Lesson 1. Less is more. Whatever you can't take with you, you probably don't need. And if you really need it, you can get it where you're going. And if you can't get it, most problems have a work-around, and there's no need to add weight to a situation. (Saying please and thank you when trying to solve the problem, however, is never out of style).

Lesson 2: Say "no" to what feels wrong, and "yes" to what feels right. How, you ask? Not quite as easy. Listen to your interior voice. (Damn it, listen, really listen. Be still. And slow. And deliberate.) Take opportunities to reset and find your voice, it's always there, but often hiding from the din of others and their urgencies.

Lesson 3: Exalt wonder in all its forms. Be gentler with your child, and/or your inner child. They are tender people, we all are really. Honor them, and cherish them, and don't get mad when they lose your shit, or forget something because they were busy imagining something wonderful. No momentary disappointment is worth the pain of their absence when they're gone.

Lesson 4: Love fails, but it is not your parachute. Love freely and fearlessly, and don't accept love that is too cowardly to open its doors fully. Don't claw at hermetic seals and don't nourish yourself with breadcrumbs, as you will be battered and malnourished and angry at yourself. Leap into vulnerability, if that is what you want from others, and if there is no one there to catch, you will LITERALLY not die. So live.

Lesson 5: It's not always about you. In fact, it almost never is. That is to say, everyone of us is in the middle of our own process, with our own emotional and intellectual metabolisms. It is easy to be angered, frustrated, or saddened when we don't get what we want from someone else, but people can only give as much as they have in excess of their needs, and that is determined by forces external to you. So don't add to your own pain by giving yourself more importance in the processes of others than is warranted.

Lesson 6: You don't owe the world beauty. Or thinness. Or athletic prowess. Or a smile. Or your time. Or neatly groomed hair, nails, cars, lawns, houses. You have enough within you and you are enough.

Lesson 7: Don't be a dick. Like seriously, don't go out of your way to mess with someone. Even if you think they deserve it. Even if they've done you wrong. (Remember, they are in their own process and navigating their own traumas.) Also, if you can easily make someone's day better with minimal effort, go for it. It's never the wrong choice.