Not a writer, not today
Today was a bad day. In general and specifically.
Alhough I did get a free call from Costa Rica with the thingy that Oscar had me download. Very cool. I would make a link here, but I am too lazy and he already made one on the blogueros site...
I disappointed several people. I hate that. I hate feeling like even though it has nothing to do with my choice, I have let people down. It is the worst feeling for me. That was how my day started.
There was a high point when Allison found me at my outdoor grading-post and fed me a lovely Tuscan bean and teriyaki tofu salad, and I got to stop by the music department for their Wednesday lunch concerts, and listen to some lively gypsy music (think Dhjango Reinhardt style).
Midway through the day, though, my economic stability was whisked from beneath my feet, and I was left feeling speechless, sorry, and horribly frustrated at the same time. I don't have an answer or a solution. I never seem to. It makes me feel totally impotent and useless. And scared.
But on other fronts:
K. has a new love interest. I am so excited for her, and after a long conversation (vicarious pleasure and very naughty girltalk) I was, as always, more informed about the world than when I started. One of our topics was the gestalt theory of psychology and how compelling it is when we meet people who share common parts of our whole, but how absolutely destructively magnetic (because of its rarity) it is to meet a person who not only shares several of our individual properties, but whose emergent self coincides with our own. I have been thinking about this idea quite a bit. It isn't enough to have the same, or similar, parts, but that the sum, greater than its individual components, must somehow coincide. And in the same way how compelling it is, and seemingly impossible, that someone with extremely different foundational components can somehow end up with coincidental emergent properties. Another (stemmed by the fact that new beau is an epidemiologist) topic was HPV. It seems that HPV is prevalent in something like 90% of the adult female population. What?! And (or more aptly, because of this fact) latex or any other type of condoms do not protect against this STI because the virus is too small and permeates the microscopic pores of said barriers. No, not to worry, there are only 2 strains, 16 and 18 she thought (I have done no more research, big surprise) are symptomatic and lead almost invariably to cervical cancer, and these are not necesarily the most ubiquitous. I guess the scariest part is that there is no way for a man to know if he is a carrier unless a partner of his has an irregular pap-test and is subsequently diagnosed. Or maybe it is scarier that no one told us this in sex-ed classes... ever! Ah well. All the other juicy details of our conversation are not for public consumption, but involved much giggling and snarky remarks. Our forte.
Meanwhile... Jeffy my dear, and perhaps some other of you dears, is going to participate in NaNoWriMo. That's write, right, rite. Writers unite in a month-long frenzy towards a common goal: to write a novel. I, sadly, am not a writer. Not yet, perhaps not ever. This school year is designed specifically to break my spirit and drive me into myself in a comatose state of self-denigration. I cannot write. I mean, not that I don't want to, but that there is NO WAY that I can do what I want to until this evil malignant exam that is looming is dispatched with the style and grace that I am sure you all expect of me. (Ha Ha. I am just hoping to not fall flat on my face and be banished from academia for my utter unworthiness. Even if I am unworthy, I am still trying to trick them into letting me into the club.) So, I will longingly think of all you writers out there and melt in anxious expectation to read said products, while I stew in my own chaste, self-denying misery. Enjoy it for me, ok?
So. Off I go to read more baroque theater, and to like it dammit.
Alhough I did get a free call from Costa Rica with the thingy that Oscar had me download. Very cool. I would make a link here, but I am too lazy and he already made one on the blogueros site...
I disappointed several people. I hate that. I hate feeling like even though it has nothing to do with my choice, I have let people down. It is the worst feeling for me. That was how my day started.
There was a high point when Allison found me at my outdoor grading-post and fed me a lovely Tuscan bean and teriyaki tofu salad, and I got to stop by the music department for their Wednesday lunch concerts, and listen to some lively gypsy music (think Dhjango Reinhardt style).
Midway through the day, though, my economic stability was whisked from beneath my feet, and I was left feeling speechless, sorry, and horribly frustrated at the same time. I don't have an answer or a solution. I never seem to. It makes me feel totally impotent and useless. And scared.
But on other fronts:
K. has a new love interest. I am so excited for her, and after a long conversation (vicarious pleasure and very naughty girltalk) I was, as always, more informed about the world than when I started. One of our topics was the gestalt theory of psychology and how compelling it is when we meet people who share common parts of our whole, but how absolutely destructively magnetic (because of its rarity) it is to meet a person who not only shares several of our individual properties, but whose emergent self coincides with our own. I have been thinking about this idea quite a bit. It isn't enough to have the same, or similar, parts, but that the sum, greater than its individual components, must somehow coincide. And in the same way how compelling it is, and seemingly impossible, that someone with extremely different foundational components can somehow end up with coincidental emergent properties. Another (stemmed by the fact that new beau is an epidemiologist) topic was HPV. It seems that HPV is prevalent in something like 90% of the adult female population. What?! And (or more aptly, because of this fact) latex or any other type of condoms do not protect against this STI because the virus is too small and permeates the microscopic pores of said barriers. No, not to worry, there are only 2 strains, 16 and 18 she thought (I have done no more research, big surprise) are symptomatic and lead almost invariably to cervical cancer, and these are not necesarily the most ubiquitous. I guess the scariest part is that there is no way for a man to know if he is a carrier unless a partner of his has an irregular pap-test and is subsequently diagnosed. Or maybe it is scarier that no one told us this in sex-ed classes... ever! Ah well. All the other juicy details of our conversation are not for public consumption, but involved much giggling and snarky remarks. Our forte.
Meanwhile... Jeffy my dear, and perhaps some other of you dears, is going to participate in NaNoWriMo. That's write, right, rite. Writers unite in a month-long frenzy towards a common goal: to write a novel. I, sadly, am not a writer. Not yet, perhaps not ever. This school year is designed specifically to break my spirit and drive me into myself in a comatose state of self-denigration. I cannot write. I mean, not that I don't want to, but that there is NO WAY that I can do what I want to until this evil malignant exam that is looming is dispatched with the style and grace that I am sure you all expect of me. (Ha Ha. I am just hoping to not fall flat on my face and be banished from academia for my utter unworthiness. Even if I am unworthy, I am still trying to trick them into letting me into the club.) So, I will longingly think of all you writers out there and melt in anxious expectation to read said products, while I stew in my own chaste, self-denying misery. Enjoy it for me, ok?
So. Off I go to read more baroque theater, and to like it dammit.
posted by ilana at 8:20 p.m.
2 Comments:
Ila: En CR la cantidad de gente infectada por HPV es igual. Causa cáncer de cérvis que es la primera causa de muerte en CR de mujeres.
El hombre puede hacerse un examen que se llama penescopía para saber si tiene el virus. Y se le cura fácil.
Cosas peores: en el 50% de los casos viene con herpes. En el 80% con clamidia. Ambas enfermedad venéreas y la primera incurable.
Cómo se tanto al respecto? me gané un reconocimiento del colegio de médicos de CR en un artículo sobre el HPV escrito en conjunto con mi amigo M.
Desagradable mi comment, pero no te imaginás como me impactó tu preocupación.
Para nada desagradable, a mí me encanta tener amigas informadas e inteligentes que puedan hablar no sólo de ligerezas sino de las cosas duras en esta vida. Bueno saber que el hombre pueda hacerse un examen.
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