There is no bamboozlement here!
Ok, I will give myself five (more like 25) mintues to process my evening full of random thoughts before putting my nose back to the grindstone. Man, Tuesdays are Hell on wheels...
Happy collection of useless thoughts... yes I am happy again, or at least distracted.
1) I was invited out to coffee by my favorite chulo madrileño - who has a new boy. (sad thought... I miss Mikey so much and I wonder if he will ever re-materialize in my life, wonder if he is still in Asheville at the gay bridal registry company)
2) Class with my fav profe, cutest almost 40-yr old I know, and flirtatiouis by nature, too bad he only dates latino boys - sike!
On a side note, I must learn something about On-line data collection and invent some sort of socio-linguistic project proposal by the end of the trimester (shit. I know nothing, and apparently neither does he...)
3) Got emails from two previous students AND a friend of a friend. This made me very happy. Students need college recommendations which I will happily provide (more wonderful procrastination projects!) because they were two of my preferred and most brilliant girls... and the other thing... well it _is_ nice to be remembered once in a while by people that you met in passing...
4) I love Canadá and if it weren't so damn cold... well I would be the first to sign up for Canadian citizenship. I _did_ say that today my thoughts are absolutely entropic...
5) I am happily thwarting my impatient nature! I am! I am! I swear. Got a really obnoxious email from a student who dropped my class. -- emailed me on Sunday morning after having dropped almost a month ago asking to pick up HW, and then emailed an "I'm waiting" later Sunday, as if the only thing we grad students have to do on a Sunday is to check our work mail. However it made me reflect on my particularly impatient nature and so I decided that I will practice Zen-like meditation and get over myself. Especially when I am always hurrying everything, and the real joy is the extension of agony... the privation pleasure principle.
6) There is nothing sexier, we all agreed, in our little office debauchery mate-drinking fest, than a man who truly doesn't know how sexy he is...
7) My back doesn't hurt so much today and my foot feels mostly better (that is the positive) Now the negative... Even though I was being chuleada all day long about my beautiful hair and face and changing (thank god!) body... I still just want to physically dissappear, wrap my body in reducing algae or something, shrink away into nothingness. I think that I would like to be a specter, especially since my body seems so useless. I saw pictures of myself pre-Isabella and I was so depressed. I mean, no wonder I am so un-loveable now... Intellectually I know that this shouldn't matter, that the body is just a shell, to protect and house the real jewels, but my most violent self-anhilating thoughts relate to my poor body-image...how unattractive. I should erase this part of my thoughts, but that would be like revisionist history and, well, it is also a part of who I am, so why hide it, right? Self-doubt should always relate only to the extremely petty, so as to not interfere with our real earthly labor...
8) Read a really funny essay by Brazilian Jorge Amado about a Chinese literary figure who made a spectacle of himself because he was obsessed and grabbed (and wouldn't let go) the breasts (bared by decolettage) of his Russian hostess. Made me laugh out loud, and think about A.'s comment last week about how he loved that we American women let our breasts pop out of our clothing. I figure they ought to serve some purpose and if that is only to amuse gay men, well heck, why not? Also, I didn't know that they were so taboo, in Asian culture. There is so much I don't know. sigh... Also a sad thought, that a woman I know would feel the need to get a breast augmentation before her wedding to her absolutely immature and infidel husband:( who by all other accounts is a wonderful person.
9) Swashbuckling Isabella did not convince me to let her watch a movie. She keeps wanting to watch "The Black Cauldron" and while it is based on a Piers Anthony book of some inherent value, she watches far too many "princess" movies. She asks if all princess movies are "cheesy" (what a wonderful American term) and I say yes, well, sort of... and she gets me again... "Is the Princess Bride cheesy?" Well... ok, I love it, and therefore will say no, even though the answer is yes, in a way, if something knows it is cheesy and acts as a parody of itself, then it really isn't after all... but I don't go into explanations and she strips herself of her princess costume to go dance around the living room to truly cheesy girly music that her daddy put on so she could dance around the living room.
10) Learned that "porco" is a really ugly word and to not use it in polite company in Italy... (another story from fav prof) which reminds me of how ugly the word porquería is and how bad it made me feel when I first heard it, and all the cultural ties it has:(. Also thinking of marrano blown glass - from the Island of Morano (I think) a Sephardic Jewish tradition in Italy and Venezuela. The mezzuzah that graces my door is from there, a present from my aunt Shelley...
Happy collection of useless thoughts... yes I am happy again, or at least distracted.
1) I was invited out to coffee by my favorite chulo madrileño - who has a new boy. (sad thought... I miss Mikey so much and I wonder if he will ever re-materialize in my life, wonder if he is still in Asheville at the gay bridal registry company)
2) Class with my fav profe, cutest almost 40-yr old I know, and flirtatiouis by nature, too bad he only dates latino boys - sike!
On a side note, I must learn something about On-line data collection and invent some sort of socio-linguistic project proposal by the end of the trimester (shit. I know nothing, and apparently neither does he...)
3) Got emails from two previous students AND a friend of a friend. This made me very happy. Students need college recommendations which I will happily provide (more wonderful procrastination projects!) because they were two of my preferred and most brilliant girls... and the other thing... well it _is_ nice to be remembered once in a while by people that you met in passing...
4) I love Canadá and if it weren't so damn cold... well I would be the first to sign up for Canadian citizenship. I _did_ say that today my thoughts are absolutely entropic...
5) I am happily thwarting my impatient nature! I am! I am! I swear. Got a really obnoxious email from a student who dropped my class. -- emailed me on Sunday morning after having dropped almost a month ago asking to pick up HW, and then emailed an "I'm waiting" later Sunday, as if the only thing we grad students have to do on a Sunday is to check our work mail. However it made me reflect on my particularly impatient nature and so I decided that I will practice Zen-like meditation and get over myself. Especially when I am always hurrying everything, and the real joy is the extension of agony... the privation pleasure principle.
6) There is nothing sexier, we all agreed, in our little office debauchery mate-drinking fest, than a man who truly doesn't know how sexy he is...
7) My back doesn't hurt so much today and my foot feels mostly better (that is the positive) Now the negative... Even though I was being chuleada all day long about my beautiful hair and face and changing (thank god!) body... I still just want to physically dissappear, wrap my body in reducing algae or something, shrink away into nothingness. I think that I would like to be a specter, especially since my body seems so useless. I saw pictures of myself pre-Isabella and I was so depressed. I mean, no wonder I am so un-loveable now... Intellectually I know that this shouldn't matter, that the body is just a shell, to protect and house the real jewels, but my most violent self-anhilating thoughts relate to my poor body-image...how unattractive. I should erase this part of my thoughts, but that would be like revisionist history and, well, it is also a part of who I am, so why hide it, right? Self-doubt should always relate only to the extremely petty, so as to not interfere with our real earthly labor...
8) Read a really funny essay by Brazilian Jorge Amado about a Chinese literary figure who made a spectacle of himself because he was obsessed and grabbed (and wouldn't let go) the breasts (bared by decolettage) of his Russian hostess. Made me laugh out loud, and think about A.'s comment last week about how he loved that we American women let our breasts pop out of our clothing. I figure they ought to serve some purpose and if that is only to amuse gay men, well heck, why not? Also, I didn't know that they were so taboo, in Asian culture. There is so much I don't know. sigh... Also a sad thought, that a woman I know would feel the need to get a breast augmentation before her wedding to her absolutely immature and infidel husband:( who by all other accounts is a wonderful person.
9) Swashbuckling Isabella did not convince me to let her watch a movie. She keeps wanting to watch "The Black Cauldron" and while it is based on a Piers Anthony book of some inherent value, she watches far too many "princess" movies. She asks if all princess movies are "cheesy" (what a wonderful American term) and I say yes, well, sort of... and she gets me again... "Is the Princess Bride cheesy?" Well... ok, I love it, and therefore will say no, even though the answer is yes, in a way, if something knows it is cheesy and acts as a parody of itself, then it really isn't after all... but I don't go into explanations and she strips herself of her princess costume to go dance around the living room to truly cheesy girly music that her daddy put on so she could dance around the living room.
10) Learned that "porco" is a really ugly word and to not use it in polite company in Italy... (another story from fav prof) which reminds me of how ugly the word porquería is and how bad it made me feel when I first heard it, and all the cultural ties it has:(. Also thinking of marrano blown glass - from the Island of Morano (I think) a Sephardic Jewish tradition in Italy and Venezuela. The mezzuzah that graces my door is from there, a present from my aunt Shelley...
posted by ilana at 9:09 p.m.
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