I give up!

So the attempt at web-design has found itself onto the server but looks nothing like it is supposed to or how it did on my screen. Aaaaagh! I suppose I should have expected as much using a Microsoft Word Template, being enticed by the "ease" and not really remembering (for a brief, fleeting moment) the DISease, that is the evil empire... So, the question before me is this- do I try to find a way to fix and reload? or do I just say fuck it, all the pertinent info is there and so what if my lovely revolutionary pictures didn't make it, its not like anyone is really ever going to look at the page anyway... except the professor for whose class it is being created, and he doesn't give a rat's ass about what it looks like... blah.

Just another demonstration of my functional illiteracy in all things technical (I would be in good company with powerful men, I think). I think I will move on for now, I mean really, if I haven't learned my lesson by now, that a half-assed job is probably even more politically advantageous than a job well done, then I must also be a cultural illiterate, which I am not, thank you very much...

It seems that I have a fixation on the anal today. Actually, I have long been amused that American culture uses "ass" for just about everything to add weight or impact, whereas Hispanic culture (ok I am generalizing, but I feel that I can do that in this one limited sphere due to observed linguistic phenomena) the obsession is with fucking, penetration, power and such... Now, one might ask what my impulse is towards a culture that is not my "own", though I would argue that I have never ever really had a culture that was my own... being the product of a strange cultural and religious mix, adding in conversion, and parents who used other languages as privacy codes... But, I think that it must be clear that my linguistic preference goes beyond the mere "otherness"... How interesting can someone's ass really be? Ok, so I am not a gay man (though strangely, I have always felt deep down that perhaps I _was_ one, in the mind of a lesbian, in the body of an unfortunatley heterosexual woman - given my predilection for gay boy films... and English (blech!) but I loved Beautiful Thing and was even sexually aroused by it ... maybe a therapist could help me figure this one out). I digress...

Which reminds me of a very funny thing that Alison and I were discussing. She says that she could probably never be with a man that doesn't have an accent and I agreed: nothing sexier than your own language spoken in ways that you never would have thought possible. But I posit that when it comes to pillow talk (during, not post) I would really rather not even understand what is being said to me - far too distracting. It is like the basic approach to song-listening, for all the guitarists in my life, the most important thing is always the underlying musical structure, the beat, the bass-line, the melodic and harmonic interplay, but for me, it has always been about the words. I cannot listen without trying to decipher the underlying _meaning_ of the text that is being offered first. Only when I do not understand the lyrics at all, can I make the code-switching leap of faith and cross-over into the musical intricacies... Of course interpretative attempts ensue, but as an ancillary, not as the primary (primal?) objective...

Ah... now it is time to stretch my aching back, forget all this and move back into reality, corporality and shit. (that's right, shit) grading of others' performance, but nothing exciting or I'd already be doing it.