Mexico Journal: July 1, 2010 (night)

Tonight, because of your words every cell in my body wails for you. I want to claw at the walls of your venn diagram and stake my claim on your deepest, darkest, innermost demons.

Instead I stand huddled in the sleepless midnight window clutching my notebook to my breast, stealing light from a lonely street lamp with the artificial buzz of flourescence mixing with the organic hum of cicadas.

Sharp angles and unfinished concrete edifices are my only witnesses in the smothering heat.

My body betrays me in allergic misery, and with each violent spasm I contract against a life without you: without your hands, bony and lithe, with a pencil poised to draw, without your mouth emitting wickedly mordent condemnations of your fellow man, without your eyes - searching, lurking, watching, needing, pools of desire to penetrate my every orifice.

Love, she wrote, love over pity

and I hold my breath, and I wait

for you to come home to me

to live inside my flesh, a lichen

feeding me with you

flooding my veins with your liquid

passion, hot kisses tearing into my enemy flesh

I want, my love, for you to be free

To choose freedom. To want freedom,

to live.

Every sleepless night by my side. You are in each breath inhaled yet you remain when exhaling, filling in the interstices of my being, impregnating me with your abject, perverse, putrid, glorious want.