If you were a car, what model would you be?

I, myself would most likely be something totally un-chic, un-sleek, but thouroughly touchable (and rideable;) nonetheless. Perhaps I would be a 1978 VW bus? Or a bug, cute in an ugly sort of way? With an interesting mural on the side, gently worn indian cloths draped over the seats. Earth-motherly enough, good to get stoned inside, or sit on top of and contemplate the stars. Eternally in need of maintenance. Ah yes, that's what I feel like today, the precursor to a mini-van.

I went to the doctor's office and in addition to an appointment for pressing problems today, I scheduled my yearly physical (I knew there was a reason I dread my birthday)... nothing like getting your "pap" smeared and your breasts fondled by strangers in search of subcutaneous lumps. I even made a dentist appointment for myself (now that I. has insurance I really must get her to the dentists, but that is a goal for another day). That's right, nothing more important than regular maintenance, getting the joints greased and oiled, and well, greased is exactly how I am feeling, and will be for quite some time. I have been prescribed not one, not two, but three individual creams of varying grassitude for different parts of my poor mistreated skin.

Here is the damage: "you have very interesting skin!" says the dermatologist with a gleam in his eyes (actually, I really liked him, not your typical male doctor ie. actually listened before interrupting, and explained things in a dialogue.)

a) lump = swollen lymph-node due to my compulsively uncontrollable and maniacal fingers in their campaign against scalp
b) itching on legs = sun-poisoning (damn, I was only in the sun pantsless for an hour)
c) itching on palms and soles of feet = strange and uncommon condition (lucky me!) called dyshidrotic eczema (a rare subset of regular eczema) which it turns out is the reason my hands are swollen, and I am subsequebtly unable to wear wedding ring (vaya!)
d) unnoticed issue on upper arms = keratosis pilaris (he gets excited by the fact that this came about after pregnancy..."oh, there are so many exciting skin issues that take place during pregnancy, it is truly amazing!" - yeah, sure, whatever. Can't you give me any hard drugs for this shit?? ha ha. Sorry, allergic to morphine too, it actually causes an awful internal itching. I always feel really funny filling out medical histories because that's the only medical allergy I have and there is always that quizzical look of "how is it that you have come by this knowledge?")
e) itchy toes = tinea pedis, commonly known as athlete's foot. now this I had a good guess about, I don't really remember not having it, but I just can't be bothered to actually cure myself.

In sum: I am an itchy gal (coming up on the seven years, I am, and like a cat, I like to be scratched)
good news = nothing contagious, and I am not dying, yet. At least not according to the good doc. Now if they could just explain the headaches and ennui... maybe I am just allergic to being me?