Condomnation
Agh. I can't ever win. Ever. Let me just throw this out into the air as a question of no consequence. If it were your goal to have an affair outside the confines of your strained marriage, would you a) keep flavored condoms in your purse for your jealous spouse to discover or b) use said condoms and keep them well hidden (or, only buy them on a need-to-use basis?). The same goes for publicly shared information.
That's what I thought. Too bad not everyone thinks like we do. Even when running late to work, there was still time to look in bag, find tropical orange condom (which was a party favor from piñata and made me laugh for its utter uselessness in my life) and stomp back up the stairs to accuse me of being "bien preparadita." Dude, whatever.
I will take this opportunity for a general rant on condoms (this may be a rant that I have done before at least verbally, but anyway.) I know that they block infirmity and disease, as well as pregnancy... ahem. yeah, I know, but I just hate them. It is kind of like, "why the fuck bother?" might as well use something plastic, right. Ok, there is the whole intimacy thing of having someone else's body pressed up against your own... yeah, yeah, they still suck. Which is precisely why I was intrigued by this tropical orange condom. You see, I abandoned ship long ago, long before I was anywhere near my vested exploratory stage, I mean, honestly, sure I did a lot of exploring of other stuff, but...
So, I was reading Jenny's post the other day (which is breaking my heart, sweetie, I don't know how you do it!) and it occured to me that maybe there are other exciting things that can be done with said little strip of latex, expecially if flavored. But now, alas, we will never find out, being the inanimate object of contention for the day. It's a sort of a game you see: hmm. let's see, what can we find to be angry about, or mistrustful or unhappy?! Oh, here, let me fabricate drama! Yes, that's just what I'll do."
Don't mind me, I'm just feeling a bit grumpy this morning, my body seems to be falling apart and yes, I am headed to the doctor's to check out a) aforementioned prurito and b) inexplicable stiff neck and lump that materialized two nights ago on same neck.
Oh. sorry, this is too much. I wanted to include a photo of the delinquent rubber and I realized that it was no longer perched next to the bed. "Isabella, baby? Do you know where that little plastic thing Daddy gave me is?" "No. ni idea." "Are you sure baby?, 'cause I think I saw you come over here to take it" crumple crumple. "Oh... that. What did it look like?" "You know, a little packet..." She enters, looking sheepish. "I broke it." I laugh and take all that is left, the tip, and taste it. Not too exciting. "See, I knew you wouldn't like it, that's why I broke it! I thought it was candy..." she confesses. I'm in a much better mood now.
That's what I thought. Too bad not everyone thinks like we do. Even when running late to work, there was still time to look in bag, find tropical orange condom (which was a party favor from piñata and made me laugh for its utter uselessness in my life) and stomp back up the stairs to accuse me of being "bien preparadita." Dude, whatever.
I will take this opportunity for a general rant on condoms (this may be a rant that I have done before at least verbally, but anyway.) I know that they block infirmity and disease, as well as pregnancy... ahem. yeah, I know, but I just hate them. It is kind of like, "why the fuck bother?" might as well use something plastic, right. Ok, there is the whole intimacy thing of having someone else's body pressed up against your own... yeah, yeah, they still suck. Which is precisely why I was intrigued by this tropical orange condom. You see, I abandoned ship long ago, long before I was anywhere near my vested exploratory stage, I mean, honestly, sure I did a lot of exploring of other stuff, but...
So, I was reading Jenny's post the other day (which is breaking my heart, sweetie, I don't know how you do it!) and it occured to me that maybe there are other exciting things that can be done with said little strip of latex, expecially if flavored. But now, alas, we will never find out, being the inanimate object of contention for the day. It's a sort of a game you see: hmm. let's see, what can we find to be angry about, or mistrustful or unhappy?! Oh, here, let me fabricate drama! Yes, that's just what I'll do."
Don't mind me, I'm just feeling a bit grumpy this morning, my body seems to be falling apart and yes, I am headed to the doctor's to check out a) aforementioned prurito and b) inexplicable stiff neck and lump that materialized two nights ago on same neck.
Oh. sorry, this is too much. I wanted to include a photo of the delinquent rubber and I realized that it was no longer perched next to the bed. "Isabella, baby? Do you know where that little plastic thing Daddy gave me is?" "No. ni idea." "Are you sure baby?, 'cause I think I saw you come over here to take it" crumple crumple. "Oh... that. What did it look like?" "You know, a little packet..." She enters, looking sheepish. "I broke it." I laugh and take all that is left, the tip, and taste it. Not too exciting. "See, I knew you wouldn't like it, that's why I broke it! I thought it was candy..." she confesses. I'm in a much better mood now.
posted by ilana at 8:46 a.m.
2 Comments:
Es curioso cómo los niños en sus travesuras pueden llegar a ser tan originales y creativos. Claro, uno al principio ve sus insubordinaciones con desdén, pero conforme pasa el tiempo reconoce lo divertido de sus diabluras.
En cuanto al artículo de “Idealist Sabant” comparto el sentimiento de desazón. Por un segundo creí que describía una escena de “The Sopranos” en la cual los chulos abusadores logran sacarle aún más dinero a quienes explotan.
/// Por cierto, te molestaría si hago mañana un “post” ilustrativo sobre el tema de los condones? Haría un enlace a tu página. Sé que suena raro pero me gusta conectarme al menos una vez con la temática de un blog amigo (como hice con mi amiga Solentiname en relación a su comentario sobre Clinton).
claro que sí, o sea, no me molesta... como has dicho, la única regla es que no hay regla, yo hasta acepto los comentarios desubicados (que algunos en flickr no se controlan) no, no es cierto, si llega a un nivel de alta agresión sí bloqueo, pero tus lectores parecen ser bastante inocuos, o traviesos en el buen sentido, como yo:)
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