Resolutions for 2005

Yes, it has been several, far too many, years since I have actually bought into the idea of New Year's Resolutions... Perhaps I fancied myself above all that... I don't know... too busy to reflect... another cog in the machine? Take your pick.

But seeing as how there is suddenly a gaping awful hole in my life... torn fabric an apt metaphor (you know like the black and red batik skirt that you love to wear everyday and then suddenly as you are carelessly stepping out of the 1982 Maroon Volkswagen bug that you bought for your suegra, but really for yourself so that you wouldn't have to put up with maniacal taxi-drivers with no car seats, it catches on a jutting wire, that also slices your thigh but that you care less about the thigh and more about the irreversibly torn fabric...)

It is, of course, our moments of carelessness that leave us the most vulnerable on all fronts... intrigue of late, perfect example... yes, so that said, it seemed appropriate as we sat in the early morning drizzle in a Café full of people, three girl-friends pretending to do work, but really mentally preparing for the new quarter, the new year... Borrón y cuenta nueva or as Luisa Valenzuela so cleverly put it... Borrón y cuento nuevo... A new story and empty page and letters and words to fill it up. And as soon as I start the world slips away to the periphery... One wise woman said, "if you write it down, you are more likely to do it". I hope that this is true, but I fear that for a mitomana like me, this all might just be another façade. Let's hope not. Yes, positive mental imaging...Picture sincere belief in self capacity for healing and mending of aforementioned torn fabric...

Resolutions (ok, they are allowed to be vague, right... this is not a to do list after all)

* Be happier with what I have (which is, let's face it, more than many, much more, I really can't complain)
* Live in the present - not panic or falsely construct the future
* Partake of more psycho-physical meditation (ie. to the gym or swim every day directly after teaching)
* Be more focused and productive. Get work done at school!
* Be a better friend/ partner (ie. be less self-involved)
* Make an amazing journey with girl-friends
* Read more books to Isabella!
* Not be (so) afraid of rejection - submit work for publication

Ok, so next year we can all look at this and see if I actually carried through with my resolutions... so what if only a few are really quantifiable, and are most likely, highly subjective endeavors? I am trying. Yes, very. No, I mean it. Yes, so do we...