Red rocks, hard hats and emotional cripples

Beautiful hike up into the Padres National Forest. The lovely red rocks under foot reminded us of Morelos, and the late afternoon was beautiful. Isabella probably asked 15 times if she could watch a movie when we got home (the child is an addict, there is no escaping it) but on the way back down from the summit she said, "I had fun" even though she whined the first 45 minutes. She also admitted to liking the granola bars that I had offered and she had initially scoffed at (and then ate 4 of the 6 in the box). Things are always better in retrospect. Why is that? We always rewrite the feelings we felt. blah.

Then we heard a booming chorus of boy voices, and descending hard hats (red) and beautiful, glistening boy bodies, oh yes, attached to boy heads... of course. Miguel asked if they were with the fire department (though the pickaxes might have been a clue otherwise) but they were more likely juvenile delinquents with their Police Dept. escort, working with forest services as an alternative solution... They were being drilled as if in preparation for the war, which might not be too far off given the ethnic backgrounds. What a waste:(

Half way down the mountain, we stopped to sing, Miguel breaking out the guitar. He really transforms with the guitar cradled in his arms, I know that will be the way it goes, the way he goes... and I hope that I am able to deal with that when the time comes. But. Not today. Today he was still mine to cherish. I do, even though I am ultimately an emotional cripple. Bent on breaking my own heart just to see if I can still feel. What's more, I am sick of fucking emotional cripples. Why is it that we are all so damn incapable of letting ourselves feel, or is it just that the rules are so rigorous that most of the time we are all just too damn tied in knots to be able to act the way we would want to? Fuck it. That's the extent of my eloquence for now. Fuck us all, we who destroy instead of construct.

But this is not a rant. Not really. It was good to feel the cool air in my lungs, the loose gravel sliding with my steps. A step outside of our daily existence. Miguel took some pictures of Isabella which are beautiful and I may post here if I can figure it out. And now to construct dinner from the remnants of the fridge:)