She's gone...
Dropped at the AirBus this morning with her Bubbeh. She smiled her toothy grin, she slept in my arms for the last time, her teeth and hair shiny, just how she likes it. Now it is upon me. To do what I said I would. To work as if there is no tomorrow, no yesterday, only today, only today.
It has been less than an hour. Empty. We took her for Indian food last night. She had her favorite meal. What am I going to do without her? What will I be? It is only three weeks, not even, I have so much work to finish, so much, but I want to cry, and be comforted. I will be, I know, soon.
It will be good for her to have some independence from her mommy, she hasn't been away from me for more than three nights, ever. It will be ok. I will be ok. And yet, there are so many things, so many that don't make any sense without her, that don't make any sense at all. How can your heart be torn in so many directions? How can one feeling not negate the others? Not consume them like cotton spread thin between the fingers and lit on fire, the flame turning solid into liquid into gas. Why don't feelings evanesce into a plasma state, and take their leave? But the food for their fire is other, and it is inconsumable, inconceivable its disappearance.
It has been less than an hour. Empty. We took her for Indian food last night. She had her favorite meal. What am I going to do without her? What will I be? It is only three weeks, not even, I have so much work to finish, so much, but I want to cry, and be comforted. I will be, I know, soon.
It will be good for her to have some independence from her mommy, she hasn't been away from me for more than three nights, ever. It will be ok. I will be ok. And yet, there are so many things, so many that don't make any sense without her, that don't make any sense at all. How can your heart be torn in so many directions? How can one feeling not negate the others? Not consume them like cotton spread thin between the fingers and lit on fire, the flame turning solid into liquid into gas. Why don't feelings evanesce into a plasma state, and take their leave? But the food for their fire is other, and it is inconsumable, inconceivable its disappearance.
posted by ilana at 6:56 a.m.
5 Comments:
Time will pass really fast, you'll see. And when she gets back you'll only hear about what a wonderful time she spent (while we were bitting nails to the bone, thinking if they're ok...)
That's just the way kids are.
Big hug!
Hon, you both are going to get through this temporary separation just fine. Talk to her on the phone every night and tell her that you love her, and give her firm instructions to have a very good day the next day. This will be an adventure for her, cheer her on!
(And, it is a a time carved out for you to enjoy the quiet and adult freedoms)
Love you!
Jenny
Flo: ya sé, ya sé... y este verano será peor aún, pero me siento medio perdida... ya qué!
Jenny: Enjoying adult freedoms sounds appealing... what are those again? Do they involve academic hoop jumping? That's what I thought;)
Only a caring mommy would be so generous as to let one go with one's Mimí... y tiene razón jenny. A aprovechar los placeres adultos se ha dicho!
En eso estamos, en eso estamos... ;)
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